College application essays can be nerve-wracking affairs, but some schools (particularly the University of Chicago) try to ease the tension with lighthearted, creative and just plain odd questions. Depending on your personality, though, this sort of essay might make you even more stressed. Try practicing on these past examples, the oddest of the odd college application essay questions.

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Nobody likes to write a research paper, but there’s this great thing called the Internet (or if you’re my grandmother, “tha Internets”) featuring an abundance of resources that have made the process easier and have made trips to a brick-and-mortar library less and less necessary (unless you have a crush on the librarian, which would explain your front-row seat at story time). Here are 17 of the very best websites when it comes time to research that big school paper.

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I know — this is a bad topic to write about, because it will adversely influence the kids. They should be writing well-planned and thoroughly researched essays, not fluff, it’s true. But trust me, the kids aren’t so innocent, and it’s widely known among the essay-reading crowd that fluff is as common as flies on Munster.

The problem is, the kids who fluff are often as bad at writing fluff as they are at making a valid point. The goal of this tutorial (okay, article) is to at least provide some help in that department. Once this point is nailed down, they can move on to valid, “good” writing advice. But it’s easier to be good at writing if you know how to manipulate and make fun of writing, right? Let’s do this.

1. Make one point, very thoroughly. The number one mistake made by fluffers is becoming daunted by the sheer number of words expected of them, and the result is often a rambling, incoherent mess of disjointed statements. A one-thousand-word essay sounds like a prison sentence if you let this fear control you. Words are a dime a dozen. You can use 50 of them in one sentence about one thing, if you want to. Get around the word hurdle by isolating the one point you want to make, then grinding it into the ground with analogies, clever imagery, explanations, and an unrelenting, statesman-like panache. For example, making this one point ate up 121 words of this article. See? There is no try.

2. Repeat yourself. Nothing demonstrates your understanding of a concept like running it over again from a different direction, in another context, with another factor in play, from the opposite point of view, or in reverse-context (as if said point didn’t exist). Remember, the person grading this essay is probably reading it from the assumptive perspective of one who thinks they know more about the subject than you. Retreading your words will come across as a striking revelation in progress, and your reader will be feasting on the aura of your sudden clarity … while remaining completely oblivious to the paperback thesaurus in your hand.

3. Include personal experience. If there’s one subject you know better than anyone else, it’s you. Therefore, as long as you’re in your own arena writing about your own existence, no one can argue. You just have to tie it into your main thesis so your tirade has a point. This method was of particular use to me during the stretch of time I was responsible for a weekly opinion column: Try having opinions on current events while you’re double-majoring in college. My ammunition was past experience, and it entertained readers for months, until the more observant administrators called me on my supposed narcissism. That was overkill, your essay should fare better.

4. Argue against your point. One rather uncommon trick is playing devil’s advocate by attempting to disprove your own point. The key is, if your point makes sense to you, there has to be at least one reason why an argument against it will fail. Show the weakness in your counter-argument, and you’ve spent at least a paragraph or two strengthening your actual argument. Of course, you could leave out this tactic. It is a tricky method, and suddenly pushing against the flow you’ve created may raise some eyebrows among your audience. It may get you into trouble. Unless you pull it off. In that case, it will just sound refreshing and clever.

5. Bring up a side argument. Is your essay on the strengths and weaknesses of the constitutional monarchy of Japan? Make a point about the constitutional monarchy of Great Britain, then draw parallels between your two points. If your overall goal is to use up word space, there are plenty of topics to spend words on, as long as you stay relevant. If your goal was to spend money, why would you stay in only one store?

6. Disguise your arguments and reuse them. How do you get around a one-item-per-customer policy? Put on a different jacket and go into the store again. This tactic won’t necessarily add value to your essay, but it’s definitely a good way to eat up page space, and your reader will delight in the re-affirmation of your understanding. For example, see #2.

7. Don’t get distracted. One of the strongest elements of good fluffery is a strong voice. You want to make sure you’re taking your readers by the face and leading them down your maze of rhetoric and bedazzlement. However, distraction can make your voice falter, as mine almost did when I took a quick research break during the writing of point #5, to make sure both Japan and Great Britain do, in fact, have constitutional monarchies. It took a couple of minutes of re-reading my own article to get back into the “zone.” Be wary of this pitfall.

8. Tie it up before it gets too long. Fluff’s biggest weakness is the attention span it warrants. Eventually, your reader will tire of you running circles around the English language, and you will tire of doing it. Therefore, tying it off just short of “the right length” will do three things: It will stop the charade before your audience catches on, it will leave the reader wanting a little more, and, if both of these are accomplished, it will make you sound like a solid expert, earning your essay at least a B.

These eight tactics, though sneaky and dodgy, may well turn your next excruciating writing assignment into an admirable piece of hooligan artwork, and the toast of the good-old-boys. Happy fluffing.

Everyone knows the Internet is a churning, foaming ocean of sites offering every conceivable product, service, song, picture, video or idea. Usually, the quality and price of the items swirling in this squall vary slightly with each site. Hence why it’s useful to have so many of them.

But there is a genre of Web site of which we only really need one. And that is the genre of the online dictionary-thesaurus. They’re nearly all free (and if you see one that’s not, you’re completely invited to scoff out loud), and they all give you more or less the same definitions. So why are there so many online dictionary-thesauri? (Thesauri? Thesauruses?)

The answer to that question, alas, will remain a mystery. If you happen to know it, please share: the comment section is below. Otherwise, this article’s aim is to critique this plethora of online word-slinging sites, to help you ascertain which one you should stake your loyalties to. I know where mine are. Any feedback from you, including other dictionary sites you’d like to point out which I may have passed by, is appreciated. Now let’s get this going…

Dictionary.Reference.com: The multifaceted dictionary-thesaurus-reference-translating tool from Ask.com is consistently the first site listed in search results. Its totally unstoppable string of definitions from a variety of esteemed word guilds provides well-rounded view of a word’s meaning, including phonetic and audio pronunciation, and etymology, including the date of the first written record (“estuary”: 1538). How vivifying.

Merriam-Webster.com: This site’s busy front page already hints at trying too hard, but among the services listed are a learner’s dictionary for pupils of English, word-based games for kids (which, as a former kid, I would have scorned but at a teacher’s behest), and an open dictionary where one can submit definitions for uncharted words. The iPhone content seems ad-y, and the one-entry-per-word simplicity could be either just enough, or too little info. I did miss the subtle dictionary-to-thesaurus cross-functionality in play on the first site. Rather prosaic, overall.

TheFreeDictionary.com: The front page of Yahoo! Or MSN comes to mind with the mashup of random info resources covering this page, including a Word of the Day (“febrile”), Article of the Day, This Day in History, Today’s historical Birthday (Miquel de Cervantes), horoscope, Quote of the Day, a hangman game, a space for my own personalized list of words, a weather report, and, oh yeah, a dictionary. I can look up word definitions, or even search on Google, the White Pages, Amazon, or eBay, if I plan on buying a “palindrome.” The ads-before-definitions policy is like a pebble in the shoe. Very rattlepated.

YourDictionary.com: The bitter aftertaste from the previous site makes me glower at this one’s arrogant headline, “the #1 Online Dictionary,” and the list of supporting reasons on the right doesn’t encourage me. However, the clean column of definition entries includes related word forms, synonyms, and usage examples in different parts of speech, with only a couple of banner ads to chafe the senses. Hyperlinks allow you to jump to the synonyms and other sections, and an audio pronouncer is a nifty addition. Coucicouci.

Dict.org: Succinct, brief and clean, Dict.org has no ad content, save for an unobtrusive affiliate link to Amazon. It performs only one function: looking up words — and it does this using a huge variety of databases of different breeds, allowing you to match prefixes and suffixes, or match headwords with Levenshtein distance one (whatever that means). Its DOS-like finish might appeal to the programmers, and its polite correction upon submitting a misspelled word is nice and professional. A compendious tool, if I may say so.

Websters-Online-Dictionary.org: This clean, well-composed site offers a word of the day, word of the hour, and even brazenly pushes the envelope to “word of the minute.” A word query brings back examples in popular and literary culture, synonyms, and translations in several languages (including the prestigious Pig Latin), and many more options via an index icon that annoyingly follows you down the page. It also seems to offer a lot of other strange options such as anagrams and rhymes, owing further exploration for anyone with time on their hands. A ludibrious site as far as dictionaries go.

OneLook.com: An immediate curiosity is the list of example searches on the front page, showing what you can type into the search box to alter or expand your query. For instance, *bird produces words ending in -bird, and expand:spam gives me actual acronyms for S.P.A.M. Can I do this on the other sites? However, a big problem comes with the jarring discovery that, rather than giving me definitions, it gives me a list of links to other sites where I can find definitions. Not cool. A second glance reveals an isolated box on the right containing a cursory definition; I thought it was an ad the first time. This site quickly became a fatuous inconvenience, and a big misnomer. Moving on.

Online-Dictionary.biz: Dot-bizzes tend to have a used-car-salesman aura about them, and this one backs up this view with flashy banner ads and welcoming pop-ups. An un-formatted look has your query results resembling source code, and the entire site makes me wonder if I’m going to be suddenly redirected. It does contain an array of languages to translate to, but the site’s credibility factor is pretty severely sullied. Mephitic, feculent.

LookWayUp.com: This online dictionary offers a face-slap to other online dictionaries with its cocky line, “Word of the day? Try word of the second…”, and its claim to be the best and most convenient online dictionary out there. Granted, it is good for a quick look-up, with short, common-speak definitions and the option to click for more info (i.e. synonyms). One downfall is the placement of things; the definition meat is crammed into the upper-left, yielding the page to the sponsored-ad parsley. Also available is the full version, for anyone who feels obligated to spend money. Overall, this one is cheeky, but mostly talk — a bit of a blether.

WordWebOnline.com: This stripped-down engine sympathizes with my cause, promising “no annoying adverts” and keeping its front page to the point. “If a word isn’t found, the search feature automatically searches other dictionaries and an encyclopedia, and shows you anything it finds,” it says, encouragingly. For most words, it brings back a quick definition, a few synonyms and forms, and a link to a Wikipedia entry for more info. For entries with no results — for example, “Encarta,” out of curiosity over whether it means anything but the encyclopedia brand — it takes you straight to an internally framed Wikipedia entry. (Yes, it seems Encarta only refers to an encyclopedia.) It’s efficacious in getting a no-nonsense definition.

DictionaryLink.com: This seemingly independent site redirects your queries to TheFreeDictionary.com (see entry #3), and is thus worth no further consideration. Disenchanting.

LingvoZone.com: This dictionary site seems hell-bent on translating all of your queries into Spanish, placing “Translate!” buttons next to all the “Search” buttons, and even worse, only spitting out a blunt, curt definition for your word, hidden among the lavish translating tools and translation software offers. In fact, the entire site screams “buy translation software,” a fact that is easily explained by the discovery that LingvoZone.com is just an extention of the LingvoSoft translation software company. ¡Bu!

Oddball dictionaries

These dictionary sites fall outside the range of your “typical” online dictionary, filling the niche for strange, weird, or just “specialized” dictionaries.

RhymeZone.com: A self-explanatory site: besides the ordinary dictionary functions, this one finds you rhymes. Your query of “maul” brings back all, aul, aull, ball, bawl, brawl, call, caul, crall, crawl … you get the idea. Also find rhyming phrases with more syllable power (mail call, masked ball, professional basketball) – or, and this is truly random, find examples from Shakespeare. (“Or I’ll so maul you and your toasting-iron.”) What gall.

WordCentral.com: Word Central is the kids’ section of Merriam-Webster.com (see # 2). With colorful, cartoony graphics, little ad content and large text, it’s almost a refreshing break from some of the more spammy examples above. Its thesaurus and rhyme functionality are simple, if easy to stump with more complicated words. Once again, no one’s using the built-in game functions. A facile site overall.

VisuWords.com: This interesting piece of programming takes your query word and shows you everything related to it in a visual brainstorm. Using color-coded “spokes” that mean different things (such as “is a member of” and “entails”), the graphic erupts like a rubber octopus, accompanied by a text explanation below. The bottom of the page offers a free IQ test, your score on which may ultimately determine how much use the site will be to you. But it can be called circean at least.

VisualThesaurus.com: This could be called the stingy, cheaper version of the above Web site, whose “trial version” allows you a limited number of searches, and which annoyingly attempts to sell you the full version after each query. The idea is the same as above, with less interesting graphics that take longer to load. The site’s literary content is interesting, but a little misplaced if you’re looking for a thesaurus. An otiose, though mildly curious tool.

If you’re a blossoming writer in the midst of your college career, or even just an opinionated or knowledgeable college student who knows how to pick up a pen, you might be yearning for ways to get your work out there.

Fortunately, most colleges and universities are hives of activity when it comes to publishing, broadcasting and information dissemination. It’s the one place where people in every professional field are crammed into the same 10 square blocks, reading and listening to the same media. It’s the perfect opportunity to launch your publishing career, or at least vent your proto-philosophical musings. Here are seven ways (other than the Internet) to distribute your enlightened penmanship:

The student newspaper – You’re lucky, because most student newspapers aren’t too stingy with what they choose to publish – unlike the real world, where people have the bottom line to consider. If you were to stroll into your student paper’s office with a smile, a handshake and, say, a brief discourse on the residual effects of ‘60s counterculture on modern TV sitcoms, there’s a good chance it would see the light of day in the commentary section. It might have to wait for some vaguely relevant news to come along, and you may have to poke them a little when it does, but this is a good place to start. Just ignore the bad copy editing.

On-campus magazines – every university has them, and they sometimes take some hunting to find, but your school’s English department can likely point you toward at least a few student literary publications hungry for inspired content. Timing isn’t too important here, because they aren’t usually too organized. But they’re read by literary minds, faculty, and people who can appreciate good prose. Just make sure that’s what you’re giving them, because they tend to take themselves seriously.

Essay contests – Swallow your “cool” and talk to an English professor about this option, because while essay contests have a dork stigma, the winners end up in student manuals and lit guides for other students to read and learn from. Does your writing carry a point? Are your arguments well thought out? Are you observing the basic rules of grammar and syntax? Then you might have a shot. Just don’t act embarrassed about it among your peers, or your life will be ruined.

Local publications – Along with college campuses comes college towns, and their publications can be as inviting as the student ones. They’re often marketed to include the college demographic, and they’re probably also covering the floors of your school’s halls, indicating readership. Their standards are a little higher, and you may have to be professional to show you’re not wasting their time, but it’s worth it to give them a call to find out how to pitch a commentary. A word of warning: These publications are technically part of the “real world,” so make sure your essay is credible and well thought out, or the real world will write nasty, critical letters.

Student radio – Many colleges have their own radio stations, and college radio is notorious for pioneering new, inventive ideas and formats that would never fly with “bottom line” people. Getting in contact with your student station could potentially lead to an on-the-air reading of at least a passage or two. It’s also smart to use the station to promote your work when it appears in other media outlets.

Guerilla – Since college is all about activism and grassroots, one way of spreading your educated ramblings is good old campus pamphleting. If you design a flashy cover for your essay, print up a few hundred copies, and place them in prime spots around campus (next to newspaper racks, outside of the English department, or around whatever department most closely relates to your subject matter), interested people will grab copies. It might cost a little to print, especially if you are long winded and eat up page space, but if your topic is good you may stir up some campus buzz.

Start your own pub – A long-term version of the above path, starting your own publication is entirely possible in college, though it’s a horrendous amount of work. The multinational pop-culture magazine Wonka Vision was started in 1997 by then-college student Justin Luczejko in his Philadelphia bedroom with no outside funding; national independent magazine Synthesis began in 1994 in the Chico, CA apartment of then-college student Bill Fishkin using a dot-matrix printer and a credit card. Even though the current economy isn’t what it was then, if you want to create a magazine around whatever topic interests you, it’s at least worth a try. The Magazine Publishers of America have some advice for anyone interested in this, and something may even eventually appear on this site. Go for it, Plato.